Many parents struggle with bedtimes. When our children are very young, it’s only normal to have a hard time getting them to sleep or helping them sleep through the night, but while some children settle into a routine quickly when they stop needing night-time feeds, many don’t. In fact, some parents find that their children are approaching their teenage years before bedtimes become any easier.
We’d all love to end our days relaxed and free from stress and anxiety. It would be lovely to say good night and then enjoy some peace after a long day. But that’s not how it always works out. Many parents find bedtimes stressful. They don’t understand how other parents manage; they long to enjoy a peaceful bedtime with their children, filled with stories, cuddles, and lots of sleep. But, their kids refuse to settle, they are up and down all night, and as soon as bedtime comes, they have a million questions, need snacks, and are desperate for the dinner they refused to eat an hour ago.
Why is a Stress-Free Bedtime So Important?
Bedtimes, when our children are young, are exceptionally important. A calm and stress-free bedtime doesn’t just mean that the kids get more sleep. It can also mean that the adults are ready to rest and relax and perhaps even enjoy a few hours without the kids before their own bedtime.
Bedtime can also be a chance for cuddles, stories, and important bonding. A calm bedtime can help you to build positive relationships and spend quality time as a family.
Consider the Whole Experience
Bedtime isn’t all about tucking your kids in and saying goodnight. Often, things are tense long before then. To create a stress-free experience, it’s important that you consider the whole experience, not just the very end of it. Making changes to dinner time, bath time, and other elements of the evening can reduce stress and make the final goodnight much easier.
Dinner Time
Dinner time is often the start of bedtime anxiety. If dinner times are stressful, the rest of the evening can become rushed and tense, leading to a much harder bedtime.
Try moving dinner to an earlier time if you can, so that your children have longer to eat and never have to rush. Then, find ways to introduce new foods to fussy eaters without stress or shouting, and try to remain calm, even if they are picky.
It’s also a good idea to avoid anything too sweet, which can boost energy levels. Stick to water and milk for drinks, and if you have puddings, try to make it yogurt or fruit in the week, instead of unhealthier treats.
Bath Time
Many kids love bath time. But, actually, fun and enthusiastic bath time can make bedtime harder. Consider shortening baths, leaving longer soaks for the weekend. Use a bubble bath with lavender and warm water to relax and aid sleep, and look at tips to detangle hair if your child has longer hair, and brushing is upsetting for them.
Crazy Half Hour
Young children often have a crazy 30 minutes somewhere between dinner and bed. They seem to have lots of energy. They run around like crazy and want to play with everything. It can almost feel as though they are gearing up for a tough bedtime.
If this sounds like your children, instead of trying to avoid it, embrace it. Make sure dinner is early enough that they can burn themselves out before bed, and instead of stressing out trying to calm them, let them go wild. Put some music on and dance with them.
Story Time
A good story is often the key to a successful bedtime. Take your child to the library and choose books together. Try to pay attention to the books they like the most and those they struggle to pay attention to.
Keep it Age-Appropriate
Many parents make a common mistake by trying to implement a bedtime that isn’t appropriate for their child’s age. They try to rush babies into a structured bedtime, or they try to keep their 8-year-old going to bed at the same time as a younger sibling. Remember, as your children get older, their routine needs to change. Give them more control, pay attention to how much sleep they need instead of relying on generic guides, and adjust bedtime accordingly.
Stick to Your Routine as Much as Possible
Many children have a hard time when things change. You might find that your routine goes out of the window while you are on holiday, and then that you can’t get things back to normal again once you are home. Try to keep routines the same as much as you can, even if the times and places have to change for a while. Stick to baths, stories, and dinner routines.
Be Present
Children pick up on much more than we perhaps think they do. Chances are, if you are worried about bedtime or anxious about getting it done quickly, it won’t go well. If you are stressed out about something that has happened during the day, or your mind isn’t really on bedtime, you might find that your kids get up many times because they want your attention.
Try to be present at bedtime. Put your worries and stresses out of your mind and give stories and other elements of bedtime your full attention.
Talk About the Day
Bedtime is a great chance to have a chat about the day. To be open and honest, to talk about worries or celebrate successes, all without interruptions. Enjoying a ten-minute chat can make it much easier for them to switch off and sleep.
Consider the Causes of Any Sleepless Nights
If an older child that has always slept well starts making a fuss at bedtime, there might be a reason for it. Ask yourself if it’s always the same day of the week? Could they be worried about something at school, or has something happened during the day? Don’t just assume they are being silly at bedtime, but try to understand and confront the cause of any distress.
