Everyone has flaws and faults. It’s a natural part of being human. Can you imagine how boring it would be to experience life as a 100% perfect person, with no flaws, no faults, and no baggage? Imagine what that person would be like to talk to – utterly boring, constantly unrelatable, never really knowing the value of anything “good”.
Of course, that doesn’t mean we have to romanticize our bad habits as being soulful by default, but it does mean we could take a softer approach toward ourselves. If anything, flaws provide us the potential to improve, slowly, sustainably, and learn along that experience. For instance, if you’ve never played guitar before, odds are you’re a pretty bad guitar player. But you have the chance to learn, to grow, to perform your favorite songs, nervously the first time, and then grow in confidence.
So – you shouldn’t have to tolerate your imperfections, you could love them instead, and perhaps improve what you can, but accept what you can’t. We tend to become our own biggest critics, but if you can calm that inner voice, the possibilities are limitless.
Let’s see what that might look like:
Physical ‘Flaws’
It’s very easy to think you have physical flaws. Perhaps your breasts have a distinct shape, perhaps you’re not happy with how the fat goes to your stomach, or maybe you have stretch marks after pregnancy. None of this makes you a lesser person, nor does it mean you’re unhealthy (unless your held fat is bodyfat is much higher than it should be of course).
We all object to ourselves in various ways. But odds are, you’re nowhere near as bad as you think, nor is your particular insecurity uncommon, nor do you have to be worried about it. One of the most famous actors in the world, Joaquin Pheonix, has a cleft lip and looks fantastic, not despite that, but with that.
It’s important to keep this in mind, as it might help you feel better about expressing yourself like wearing swimwear after the beach, understanding and aiding your breast augmentation scars after having this work done, or loving a birthmark you have. Loving these little changes from the norm helps you feel healthier about yourself, and also ensures you recognize that you have absolutely nothing to prove – to anyone.
Bad Habits
A bad habit is often something we feel identified with, as long as we keep it up. You might smoke, drink a bit too much at the weekends, or have been dealing with an eating disorder (which is more than a bad habit and you may require a little help to move forward). The importance of having the right help cannot be underestimated, whether it’s going to a sober living community or having counseling, bad habits are the foundation of why we choose to not love ourselves, but we must remember that a bad habit is not who we are.
Now, we’re not going to say that keeping a bad habit is perfectly fine and you should just accept it, what matter is trying to decouple how we regard ourselves from partaking in the habit. So, you’re not a smoker,’ you’re someone who is reducing their cigarette intake from week to week.
You might be overweight, but you eat healthy in order to fix it, so you’re currently a healthy eater. Management of your personal planning like this can help you ensure a careful, healthier approach. In the long run, it will help you avoid ruminating too much and allow you to see a positive way forward, which really does count.
Building Character
It’s important to remember that our ‘flaws’ can help us build character. For example, it might be that you have a noticeable scar from an injury. Is this really an imperfection, or the symbol of a story you can tell, and a symbol of your resilience? That can make a big difference in how you present yourself, and how to curate a positive self-identity.
In some cases, our flaws can help us build character and come out stronger on the other end. For instance, those that have dealt with addiction or alcoholism and manage a lengthy period of sobriety tend to focus on habits that help nourish their lifestyles – they may become avid runners, become fantastic at home cooking, or really care about creating art. Allow those flaws to help build you, even if you’re in the process of managing them. It’s a much healthier perspective to keep, for clear and obvious reasons.
Developing Empathy
When we have flaws, or that we think of as a flaw, it’s easier to understand how it feels to be insecure and to undergo the work to overcome that perception. As such, you might find that your empathy grows for others in your situation. Limiting your empathy to just this, of course, is hardly where you will stop.
For instance, it might be that you were once quite obese, but through careful fitness and dieting, you’re now close to your goal weight. When walking past someone who is the size you used to be sweating in the gym with a light workout, you might offer them a word of encouragement.
Developing empathy can help refine you as a person. It often seems that being strict or dismissing people is the cool thing to do, but it’s not. The funny thing is that the more you can accept other people and their own struggles, the more people accept you. This work to destigmatize anything less than perfection is important. Think of how more men are starting to talk about their mental health and the importance of sharing their feelings; rather than only putting on a brave front. In the long run, it makes a tremendous difference to your sense of well-being.
Making Your Own Standard
If you can’t reach a beauty standard, that’s fine. Most people don’t. Make your own standard. That’s acceptable and valid too. Think of how many women with darker-hued skin and complexions are making themselves known as absolutely beautiful despite the fashion and beauty industry previously catering to European beauty standards. Think of how plus-sized fashion has absolutely exploded because while you might be working on your health, that doesn’t mean you can’t look great right now.
Of course, there’s more diversity than this out there which needs to be catered for. Perhaps you’re a woman and you just prefer wearing men’s clothes. There’s nothing wrong with that, actually, there’s a lot right with it if you feel confident that way. So – perhaps you can take confidence from these trailblazers, no matter if you’re an amputee, have a unique body shape, or wish to celebrate imperfections that you were once unhappy with.
Reclaiming who you are can be tremendously valuable, and almost always helps you look your utter best.
Pursuing That Which Is Important
In life, the more we care for that which matters, the less the things that don’t matter bother us. So for example, what are the opinions of someone at work we dislike if we have a good friendship group, trusted colleagues, and a loving family? You don’t need their approval.
This doesn’t mean you have to have a brittle attitude and never care what anyone thinks about anything. It just means that in general, imperfections become less important as you focus on what matters. It’s this that often makes us feel more secure in adulthood than we did as teenagers, even if we still have the physical imperfections we did when younger.
It’s not uncommon for disabled people to achieve well in a career path, for instance. It’s not impossible for someone who might have made mistakes before to recover and move forward, with new connections in place. Keep that attitude and mindset in mind, and you’ll have a much healthier attitude.
